Oh dear, is she doing another rant about bottle weight?

Yes, she is doing another rant about bottle weight.

Photo by ookikioo. Wikimedia Commons CC-BY-2.0

But let’s start with some interesting news. Kiona Vineyards, one of the pioneers in Washington State and the Red Mountain AVA, announced that they will be bottling all their wines–from entry-level to reserve–in the same lighter-weight bottle.

Now I’ve raved about the savvy business sense of Kiona before (Winery Tasting Notes Done Right) and you can see a lot of thought went into the move. They’re staking a strong position in a premier wine region and making “World Class in Lighter Glass” a marketing focus.

I applaud their initiative and was equally thrilled to read Mike Veseth’s latest Wine Economist post detailing the moves of Alois Lageder in Alto Adige towards lighter bottles. Most impressive is that the design for their sleek 450g Burgundy-style Summa bottle has been left unpatented to encourage other wineries to adopt it.

But then I read the comments.

I originally typed out a reply to anonymous commentator ACV on Veseth’s site. However, WordPress’s bugginess kept giving me error messages. There was one particular quote (besides the virtue signaling wine writers) that captured my attention.

Yes, as you point out a premium wine needs a premium package. As one restauranteur in Decanter put it “With so many wines available, the strength of a good bottle and label is often a winning formula. Wine is quite a tactile product and people like nice thick glass; it has a feel of history and heritage.” — ACV

The Decanter quote our friend ACV is referencing is actually from Tatiana Fokina, CEO of Hedonism wine shop, and not a restauranteur. But the point about wine being a tactile product is well taken and this is what I wanted to share with ACV.

Yes, wine is a tactile product.

Which is why every time I’m at a wine shop and pick up an obnoxiously heavy bottle, I put it right back on the shelf.

It’s why I sigh every time I order a bottle at a restaurant, sight unseen, only to be disappointed when a fat ass bottle gets delivered. With every pour and every glass, I’m tactically reminded not to order or buy this wine again.

It’s not because I’m “woke,” it’s because I’m tired. Tired of bullshit.

Especially when that bullshit is being fed to me by a winery touting its “sustainability” while the blatant contradiction is right in my hand. That doesn’t say premium product to me. It doesn’t say heritage or history. Its says con. 

It says fraud.

If there was a practical reason for a heavier bottle (like to deal with the pressure of sparkling wine), I’d be fine. But there is none. Zilch.

It’s just pure smoke and mirrors meant to con consumers into thinking a wine is nicer than it is. It’s putting lipstick on a pig and even if that pig is gorgeously delicious, I’m tired of paying for that lipstick. And I pay for it in multiple ways.

I pay for it in higher pricing from the increased bottle & transportation cost.

I pay for it at home if, heaven forbid, I buy a case of the wine and have to lug it around. Even with empty bottles in the recycle bin, I’m paying for that wasteful extra weight.

And, yes, collectively we all pay for the added carbon footprint and environmental cost.

And for what? Smoke and mirrors. A head fake and ego fluff for a winery’s owner.

No, thank you. Wine is a tactile product but when I pick up an obnoxiously heavy bottle, it’s not my hands that hurt but my head. Because it doesn’t need to be this way.

And I’m tired of it.

Sure, there are consumers who feel differently.

Photo by Alexandr Frolov. Wikimedia Commons. CC-BY-SA-4.0

Just like there are consumers who like oaky, buttery Chardonnay and some who would rather drink New Zealand Sauvignon blanc. That’s life. That’s the wine business.

But I do encourage wineries to think about if heavier bottles are truly helping them. If consumers are truly wedded to them as much as they are to their favorite grape variety.

As Veseth noted in his post, producers like Jackson Family Wines have been steadily transitioning to lighter bottles and seeing very little pushback from consumers. So maybe you don’t need smoke and mirrors to convince consumers you have a good product?

Or perhaps you do. Perhaps your wine needs the lipstick.

But if you’re a winery that’s also trying to tout your sustainability cred, you should look for a more flattering shade.

I’ll be honest. The ongoing pandemic and isolation have really done a number on me. It’s incredible how the world feels so jumbled and out of place while also static and frozen at the same time. It’s been tough working up the urge to write, so I’ve spent my time more as a consumer rather than commentator.

But that tour of just making due, day by day, has ushered in an appreciation for how screwcaps so brilliantly encapsulate the mood and needs of wine consumers right now. Now this isn’t going to be a post extolling the virtues of screwcap versus corks. But rather I want to give you a little microcosm on motivation and how that impacts the consumer buying journey.

Plus, as the wine industry continues to dig itself out of the rubble of the pre-digital Stone Age, it’s worth wondering how often we “taint” the process in various ways.

Because, frankly, we’re all tired right now.

Mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Even physically. Sure, some folks are handling things better than others but it may be that they’re just better at hiding it. And this sense of tiredness impacts everything.

Even when we initially have the impetus to do something, it’s easy to get derailed. Anything that gives a modicum of stress can be enough to sap the desire to continue whatever journey you started, whether that be the buying journey to discover a new bottle or even the start of the re-buying journey that begins at the consumer’s home staring at their wine rack.

So many times this past year, I’ve gone to that rack, searching for something to drink only to feel the pangs and hesitations of “Ugh, do I really want to deal with this?”

Do I really want to muck around digging out the corkscrew? Do I want to fuss with the foil or fight with some blasted wax capsule that only makes me angry that I bought this wine in the first place? Is it worth the time or effort to enjoy this bottle of wine?

Often, the answer is yes because I’m an “engaged enthusiast.” But sometimes the answer is, indeed, No.

No, it’s not worth it.  And if that is the case with someone who is in the minority of consumers that are engaged enthusiasts, how often do you think “Nah, it’s not worth it.” comes up for the majority who are just looking for something to drink?

How often do they look at their wine rack and think it’s not worth the time and effort to enjoy a bottle of wine?

Of course, this goes far beyond packaging.

Seriously though, fuck wax capsules.
Even with the “good” wax that you can drill through with a corkscrew with little mess, they’re still a colossal pain if you want to use a Coravin for just a single glass.

We do so many things as an industry to keep piling on the effort we expect consumers to endure to enjoy our products. How much thinking do you want to do at that wine rack while picking out a bottle? Which pairing will work? Do I need to decant this? Is this wine ready to drink? Will this be sweet? Tart? Tannic? Earthy? What grape is even in this bottle?

Sometimes you don’t want to do any of that. You don’t want to think. You don’t want to work.

All you want in this godforsaken crazy world is to simply enjoy a glass of wine.

That is the intent. That is the desire. Now, how many obstacles are you willing to deal with to get to that goal? In this day and age, not many.

Sometimes, all you want is just One-Click Drinking.

Perhaps this is another reason why canned wine is taking off? Less fuss and thinking, more fun and drinking.

I didn’t care about the romance or traditional “pop” of a cork. I wanted the romance of less fuss and nonsense in my life. Give me the swift motion of a simple click–a smooth consumer journey from bottle to glass. No interruptions. No gadgets. Just me, my intent, my desire, and the easy achievement of that goal.

Why can’t everything in wine be as easy as screwcaps?

At every step of the consumer journey, there will be multiple opportunities for that “Ugh, is this worth it?” to pop up. It’s the “cork taint” of sales–able to spoil an entire basket with a single drop. And it’s both systemic and endemic. While you can’t always account for everything going on in a consumer’s head, there are still many things under a winery’s control–especially at the beginning of the buying process with DtC sales. From poorly designed and hard to navigate websites, impersonal and joyless shopping experiences, to even unexpectedly high shipping costs–you want to limit as many of those hiccups as you can.

You want the buying experience to be as smooth and simple as opening a screwcap wine. No need to jump through hoops. No hesitation arising while digging around to find things–whether that be a particular wine on your site, shipping details, or a corkscrew. Don’t make consumers have to cut through the foil of multiple clicks and pages to get to their end goal–that glass of wine. That only increases the chance of bugs & site errors nicking their fingertips like a bad foil cut.

The one thought I want you to leave with is to remember this time that we’re living in now. Be mindful of the scars and habits that are being engrained. People may still want your product. They may still desire it and initially seek it out.

But there’s always going to be opportunities for that “Ugh, is this worth it?” cork taint to seep in. Identify those trouble spots and put a screw cap on them.